• Tammy Ewing Korecky

What to do about pre-wedding traditions if the wedding has had to be postponed.

Once you've set a date for the big day, there is a particular order to your engagement leading up to the wedding day. With many weddings having to be postponed, some of those pre-wedding events have had to be postponed as well, including bridal showers. Can you have a bridal shower after the wedding?

The truth to that question is, no. A bridal shower is for a bride. A bride is an unmarried woman. If you have already gotten married, you don't really meet the qualifications for a bridal shower. There are exceptions to any rule. But if you look at it from a different perspective you'd see that it is not a good idea.

The etiquette issue is in regards to gifts. Showers are thrown specifically to "shower" the bride with gifts and having it after the wedding seem a bit greedy. Female guests may have splurged on the wedding gift because due to cancelling any planned shower. So receiving a shower invitation after the fact would be in poor taste.

There is the possibility that not everyone at the shower was invited to the wedding. A very important rule is that all invitees of the shower were invited to the wedding. If a guest is unable to attend your wedding but had been invited, that was out of your control. But it would be very hurtful if, due to the changes that had to be made because of postponement, they didn't make the cut for the wedding list, yet they still received a post wedding bridal shower invitation.

Technology has presented the option of a virtual bridal shower. Send out virtual invitations. Have shower gifts sent to her home to be opened during the virtual shower. While it is not the same, it does give something to look forward to and a way to show the bride that we are thinking and supporting her during a very uncertain set of circumstances.

The alternative is to have a ladies luncheon, a dinner party or an open-house for the newlywed. Avoid calling the gathering a shower and or including registry information. Just getting together to celebrate in a more intimate setting and enjoying one another's company.

As will all things traditional, you have to do what is right for you. However it's always a good idea to rely on traditional etiquette when you are ever unsure.

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